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Ever had someone "cross a line" with you, Queen?
We all have that one friend that just doesn't seem to know boundaries...
Whether it be for lack of life experience or lack of consideration; at some point in your friendship you may feel a need to have a necessary discussion with them about your "boundaries".
This can be difficult at times...
Depending on the person.
So how does a lady get a point across without losing classy-points?
Lady XO here!
When it comes to setting boundaries, I like to use the analogy of building a "moat" around your kingdom.
Same as we did in the days of Renaissance.
For those of you who have never seen "A Knight's Tale" or read any King Arthur story; you might not be old enough to know what a MOAT even is...
So let me break it down for you...
A MOAT is an added layer of protection that surrounds an entire castle and is dug out of the earth and purposely flooded to make penetration of the castle more difficult during times of war.
Hindsight 20/20, it's just a huge "lazy river" filled with crocodiles and pointy things that probably killed you if you fell in...
Sounds kind of extreme doesn't it???
But what preventative measures would you go to in order to protect YOUR kingdom?
Back in these days, they would warn intruders by putting severed heads on wooden stick posts like scarecrows to frighten any enemy who tried to weasel their way in.
That was just the decor they used...
They'd build tower-tall walls all around the city, surrounded by that moat we spoke of earlier, and access to the kingdom was only given to the few KNOWN functional members in the kingdom and ROYAL family.
If an intruder did enter,
They would hang them for all to see and sever their head and leave it hung up as an example.
Sounding crazier and crazier by the minute right?
I mean, really ...
Who came up with the fairy tales made during these times??? Stephen King???
But then we speak ill of someone for having a security camera inside of their own house to watch their nanny?
We will call a man a "stalker" for putting up a camera in his own home to watch for any "strange men" entering in to see his wife or kids.
We will judge a mother keeping tabs on her children and watching their every move online, and call THAT "overbearing parenting".
I mean, the list goes on...
But the one thing all these have in common, no matter what your take on it is that they're all done as acts of "protection" NOT "aggression".
The thing about it is...
We don't have to "police" ourselves as vigilantly as we used to back in the days of Renaissance.
I mean...
Putting up anything that even LOOKS like a severed head in front of your house nowadays might just get you put behind bars if it isn't on Halloween...
Just saying...
We don't have to take such EXTREME measures anymore luvs...
BUT with that being said...
You continue to police your home the way you feel comfortable!!!
If that means you have to post up a million cameras around your house, that's better than soldiers with swords or severed heads.
And to be honest, I don't know what threats your kingdom may have...
What lions and tigers and bears that you have lurking around your kingdom, are known only to you luv. So you protect your house as you see fit!
This is YOUR castle Kings and Queens and anyone who doesn't like the measures you take doesn't belong in the kingdom.
However most of these measures are relatively unnecessary if you're able to use your authority in a positive way.
Therefore I urge you to try to communicate with your new "people".
Speak to them the way a TRUE ROYAL would...
Be considerate in your approach but NEVER meek...
This may be your castle but if you want to keep a HAPPY kingdom, you must learn to eloquate your demands in a way that doesn't make you look like a Hitler-wannabe...
Usually speaking from the heart in a true and honest fashion is the BEST way to begin.
Most people don't know where the boundary lines at a basketball game are (which are clearly drawn out, on the ground in bright colored paint for all to see) nonetheless, the proverbial boundary lines of your particular home/castle.
Even God gave us boundaries when he sent Moses down from the burning bush with a tablet full of thou shalts and thou shalt nots.
God's boundaries...
If you wanna make it in God's kingdom, there's commandments we have to abide by...
This is not different.
God was unapologetic with his commands.
As should we all be...
So...
Don't feel bad for having to speak to those people in your life who need to know your boundaries. In my experience, if you come from a place of maturity and love, most folks actually respect you MORE for just being honest with them.
If they want to be in your kingdom, they will WANT to know the laws of the land.
And if they don't, and there is any immaturity in their conversation, simply do NOT entertain it.
Leave them unread.
Don't answer the draw bridge door.
When they speak peace (positive), then you can entertain their conversation.
Your positivity and LOVE is your greatest power...
It is what will attract the same out of all whom surround you.
And you are the tool some people need to help them realize boundaries where they may have not been practiced in...
Another example...
You have a new neighbor friend... And your new friend really admires your family... You can tell they want to be close.
They come over every day for a week and spend hours upon hours talking and hanging out.
When you leave to go fishing, you come back to a couple of black char marks on the porch and in the driveway of your apartment...
Confused,
You begin to ask your prince (29 year old son) what happened outside?
He proceeds to tell you the story about how your eleven year old son was playing cards with your new neighbor friend on the porch.
You listen attentively, as he proceeds to tell you that he wasn't sure when or why but that when he went back to check on his little brother with the neighbor, they weren't playing cards anymore.
No...
Your new 24 year old neighbor, thought it would be cool to start a fire on the porch and the driveway and have your son roasting hot dogs on tree branches over it.
"I'm going to kill them all"...
My Red Queen response was ready to "off with EVERYONES head."
I mean...
On what planet does anyone of any age, think this is okay??
So if I walked into their house, while they were gone, brought their little baby girl outside and sat her in front of a PORCH FIRE with a stick, they'd be cool with that???
Something tells me not...
We care too dang much about how others feel...
So much, that we will do CRAZY things to avoid a conflict situation, rather than confronting them and simply and plainly laying out OUR boundaries.
What did I do about it, you ask?
I told my neighbor friend that my boys were in deep trouble for leaving outside my doors to entertain any strangers outside and be around ANY fire without me present...
In saying that one thing, I let them know what they did wrong and where they stood with me without having to give attitude of any kind.
I said "stranger"...
Which basically told them that they STILL DON'T KNOW ME, and can't just be taking off outside with my kids - without saying it like that.
Needless to say,
I had decided that day, this person was not going to be a member in MY kingdom...
Because I simply don't have the energy to do SO MUCH training.
I expect to have to set boundaries with most of the people in my life.
But if I have to tell you not to SET FIRES near my home WITH my kids???
Hunnay!!!
You're a special sort...
I mean... I have been a mom 10 times over.
I've done my time baby!
I don't have time to re-raise your grown ass and teach you from the basics up...
And I feel the notion of "don't start a fire"
Is a pretty basic unspoken boundary line that most understand...
If you don't know that one, baby, I can't teach you ALLLLLLLLL the rest that you can't possibly know yet!
And you know what? I don't feel bad ONE BIT...
I am PROUD to represent classy, grown women and be an example to younger ones.
We all have to know how to eloquate our "Queenliness".
And I do so,
Unapologetically...
Until next time fam-lei...
☺️ Happy Wife, ☺️ Nappy Life...
✌️Two Doze✌️
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