Skip to main content


The people who challenge the way we LOVE the MOST are usually the ones who are the most... ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿป‍♀️ challenging to love.

With that being said, I want to first give a BIG shot out to all my APPRECIHATERS!  For, without your constant free publicity; I wouldn't be the SENSATIONAL DIVA that I am today!


I feel the love in the room, don't you???

Yeah ๐Ÿ‘ let's go with ๐Ÿ‘Œ that.

Our apprecihaters are the ones in our lives who need our LOVE the most!


Lady XO here!

You're probably wondering to yourself, "what in the world is an appreciHATER"?  

A clever play on words but a truthful one to boot; an apprecihater is someone who can't help but admire or "appreciate" some quality about you so much so that it hurts them spiritually and they hate on you...  

A visual example of this paradox:

A woman sees another woman's body and admires it but instead of commenting something positive, she speaks negatively on the woman, exposing an insecurity of her own.

She says something like, "Ugh, look at that woman over there looking like a homewrecker."

Instead of:

Wow, she's beautiful...

This is but a minute example, within our relationships this type of appreciHATION can absolutely DAMAGE a weak marriage or relationship with a loved one.

Take this very real and personal example of my own:

In our marriage, my husband and I have been faulted for being too "lovey dovey" or affectionate with one another.

Not that we engage in disgusting PDA, but our adoration for one another gets comments like, "get a room" and things of that nature.

Believe it or not, there are people that don't like the sight of LOVE.

Mostly because it is a painful memory or realization of what they lack in life.

In this case, there was a woman whom was in my husband's inner circle of friends.  A dear friend of his who was a gifted singer in ministry.  

We will call her Kelly...

Kelly had a long standing "admiration" for my husband that nobody really knew about.

There was a point in our friendship with Kelly and her boyfriend Stan, in which we attempted to make a singing group quartet.

It didn't last because Kelly, much to the surprise of my husband and I, would argue with her boyfriend after almost every jam session out of jealousy.  It appeared she was jealous that her boyfriend was innocently complimenting my vocal ability and shut the whole group off.

Before doing so, however, she made sure that her apprecihation for me went a few steps further.

She tried to interfere with my marriage, making remarks to me about my husband having some secret crush on her while we were both on a trip to New Orleans to audition for a singing competition called, "Sunday's Best."

I suppose jealousy got the best of her when her insecurity that I may be a better vocalist than she, was REALIZED at the auditions and I'd made it through to the third round.

She didn't make it past the first round.

(This is all in her own her mind...  of course... as I am just feeling blessed to be there with such an anointed singer.  I was completely oblivious that her appreciation was actually appreciHATION)

In an attempt to ruin my reputation and destroy my character,

She told my husband that while we were down there in New Orleans, I had a rendezvous with some random guy.


But because she was a friend of 9 years and I was just the lady in his life for 2 years, I suppose he felt HER truth was more veritable than MINE.

It took his mother to make him realize that Kelly was lying and had secretly been crushing on him for years...

Even his mother saw it...

Everyone but him...  Because he chose to believe her, he'd almost lost me...

She took it one EXCRUCIATINGLY hilarious step further after THAT didn't work and called me while at work pretending to have sex with my husband while on the phone...

Calling his name out and everything...

I happened to have JUST got off the phone facetiming him while he was in a training class in an entirely different city.

It was hilarious at best but stilllllllllll an UGLY reminder of just how people can and WILL TRY to put out a ๐Ÿ”ฅ flame in fear of YOUR FIRE...

She didn't want to be upstaged...

NO woman does...

The only issue is that she was never in any danger of BEING upstaged in the first place...

Now THIS is where the "being the bigger person" and all the "love thy enemies" verses that nobody likes in the bible comes in...

Because we'd normally shun these people and keep them at a distance...

And naturally so...

And although it is absolutely imperative that we place these people on a "different shelf" than the one closest to your heart, it does not mean we shut off our love for them...

Now hear me out...

Your apprecihaters target you because they can't help but ADMIRE YOU.

It makes them uncomfortable...

I suppose it's because they feel insufficient in your presence.

There is something that you ARE that they can't be...  Something that you DO that they can't do...

At least in THEIR eyes...  They subconsciously believe they are beneath you and wish to be at your level of _fill_in_the_blank_.

Whether that blank is beauty or success or health, etc..  they wish they had IT.

But more than anything, you walking around WITH IT is a constant reminder of what they lack.

AGAIN. This is all in their subconscious mind...

So they have to put YOU beneath THEM so that they can feel COMFORTABLE in your presence.

"She's had botox, that's why she looks so young."

"I bet she slept her way up the corporate ladder."

"He's so buff, he's GOTTA be overcompensating."

All these are marks of an APPRECIHATER.

Now back to the part you don't want to hear.  The part where I said we have to LOVE these jerks.

You're like...  Wait, WHY???

Because it is our God given duty to LOVE the way Christ loved.  And he loved us ALL.  But why would someone DIE for people who seemed like they HATED him?

Jesus knew that it was because they SECRETLY LOVED him...  They were all scared he was REAL and they would have to atone.


Taking away the attraction from the royals meant they lost their APPEAL to others and they, just like Kelly in the story mentioned earlier, didn't want to be UPSTAGED.

Jesus knew his apprecihaters would crucify him and that didn't stop him from doing what he did.

Didn't stop him from dying for a bunch or morons who didn't show love...

He said, "Forgive them Father, for THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO."

What if?

Just, what if?

Our apprecihaters simply DON'T KNOW how to love?

What if our apprecihaters "KNOW NOT HOW TO LOVE?"

Again, didn't stop Jesus from being the LIVING BREATHING EXAMPLE of love...

And THAT, my friends is WHY we have to love those who HATE on us.

Because we got to teach the world HOW TO FRICKIN DO IT!!!

Somebody's gotta take on the task and if you are someone with alot if apprecihaters, it's because YOU are that person!

Your light is bright!

So shine...



Popular posts from this blog

Interracial Relationships | Cooking MATTERS

Push play to listen to the audio-blog I've always been a ๐Ÿ’ฃ๐Ÿ’ฅBOMB๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ’ฃ cook.  By my own record and my family's, I am probably one of the best cooks in my family. (Although my younger brother, Justin - The Professional Sous Chef - would beg to differ...) Nonetheless, I never thought I would EVER have a complaint about my cooking. And then I started dating black men... ๐Ÿ‘‹ Hey Fam-lei ๐Ÿ‘‹ Lady XO here! And THIS topic in relationships is almost NEVER spoken about in any blog I've read or podcast I have listened to. I want to FIRST say, NO...   This is NOT going to be a post about my recipes... (although if you'd like any, I'm all for exchanging some ๐Ÿ‘‰ THIS is a post about compatibility and why cooking does matter when you're thinking of being in an interracial relationship. I explain... Cooking can be just as intimate of an expression of love as a hug can be at times. It's that warm feeling you get when som

Is It Over? How to heal past PAINFUL MOMENTS in marriage.

Press play to listen to the audio-blog Hello fam-lei! I come to you today a bit more sullen than usual... If anyone is out there reading these blogs, please pray for me... Sometimes marriage isn't just hard, it's downright TOXIC-feeling. There are these "make or break" moments that you will come to that will test every shred of patience, loyalty and FAITH in God that you possess... Times where you begin to wonder if the other person is the same person you said I DO to at all... Times where you have to LITERALLY weigh the good and the bad and make a hard decision... Do I stay or do I go? I thought that I knew what my breaking point was... The point in which I would say AUTOMATICALLY "I would leave if they did this ________ no questions asked." But I suppose when "unconditional love" is a factor in your boundaries; your boundary lines change and the saying "Love knows no bounds" starts sounding like less of a fairyta

Girl, This Thing is WORK!

Press play to listen to the audio-blog Day to day, we will clock in and clock out begrudgingly to a job that pays us less than we deserve... We do it faithfully... It's called going to WORK. Hey fam-lei!!!  Lady XO here!  ๐Ÿ‘‹ I know we've all heard the unromantic saying that "marriage is work" but have you ever REALLY it thought about it like a duty? It's our DUTY to strive to be good spouses, parents, brothers, sisters, etc. But do you WORK on your relationships? Think about it... We will smile in the faces of our @$$hole co-workers and listen to every word our bosses tell us; and for most of us...  We do it WITHOUT hesitation or argumentation. Because we VALUE our job and want to keep it! But...  Then we go home and think all of our WORK is done... As if the title you hold at your job is the ONLY hat you wear... But no... We have families and relationships outside of our jobs that take a considerable amount more WORK than our 9-5's and