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LOVE Letters | He Is My HERO | How To Find Your Soulmate

I had the pleasure of engaging in a very spiritual conversation with an older lady friend of mine...  

(For purposes of anonymity; we will call her Beth)

Miss Beth was in her 60s, but didn't look a day over 50 and was quite an inspiring woman...  

Like many other women of her generation; 

Miss Beth had ONE lover...

ONE husband... 

She’d been married for 30 some-odd years...

She  was quite the christian, god-fearing woman... 
The kind that would give to a beggar on the street...
She took in many children from abusive and neglectful families...

(Truly Miss Beth, I will see you in Heaven one day sister...  
For God DEFINITELY has a place for you in his kingdom...)

More than anything...

I remember most how she was still VERY much in love with her husband...  

I’d thought it the most romantic and beautiful thing I have ever seen; as I reflect on her saying to me...

"He is my Hero"



Now, as beautiful as this story is to hear...

Even more beautiful was the fact that Miss Beth was a white woman in love with a black man.

Something completely unheard of in her time...

“He saved me from a feeble mindset and opened my eyes to a colorful new world that I didn’t know existed...”

I couldn't help but think about my own husband...

And how blessed I truly am to have him in my life...

We have something that most people don't get to see in their lifetime,

And that is...


We are kindred spirits... 

Text-book SOUL mates...  

We finish eachothers sentences...

We (sometimes eerily) know each other’s thoughts with one facial expression...

We FEEL eachothers spirit call to one another and often call or text eachother sweet nothings to lift one another up...

He is:

God-fearing, well-spoken, intelligent, masculine, confident, hard working and

In-every-sense-of-the-word, a

💪 MAN 💪

 Whom words truly cant describe... 

Then I reflected back on Miss Beth...

She said he was her HERO...

The perfect word revealed...


The more the generations pass, the more lost it seems to look...  

Nobody believes in marriage anymore and divorces are at an all time high.  

Lost souls looking aimlessly for a mate without a clue as to what they are looking for...  

I can't tell you how many times I have been asked by women, 

"How do you know when he is the ONE"? 


“Why haven't I found Mr. Right?"  

Well, first things first...

Where Are You Looking?

Although there have been a meager few lasting marriages that have arisen and began from a bar scene;

more often than not, you’re probably NOT going to find your husband/wife at the club or the bar.  

If I may speak freely... 

(and being that this is my blog, I may :)  lol) 

A majority of the time, the women found at clubs/bars are attention-starved and vulnerable women whose judgment is often clouded by their loneliness and the amount of drinks they ingested.  

Usually seen by men as only good for temporary pleasure...

the few relationships that are created at clubs/bar scenes crumble before a marital commitment can be made. 

The men, usually there just for drinks, and sights and the occasional opportunity for sexual gratification; usually aren't looking for a long-lasting commitment. 

Therefore; you will more than likely not find your husband/wife at the club/bar.  

So, where do you look?  You ask...


You DON’T... 

When you are looking in one direction, the opposite side of your line-sight is but a blurry image from the corner of your eye...  

You won't be able to see Mrs./Mr. Right when your vision is blurred because you are "LOOKING" in the opposite direction at Mrs./Mr. Wrong...  

Also, being that I am a believer; I believe that you don't have to look at all because God will bring that person TO you with minimal/no effort on your part.  

When you are truly ready for your husband/wife, God will reveal himself  through the eyes of that person and you will; as the saying goes, 

"Just Know"...

How Do You Know?

A lot of times when a relationship is not meant to be; there are plenty of signs from the beginning stages of it that are often overlooked.  

Later those overlooked signs become quite the elephant in the room and eventually turn the relationship sour.

In my longest lasting relationship before marriage; I was the provider of the house and my ex wasn't really good for much.  

I thought in the beginning, that I was being  a "down chick" by taking care of him when he was down and trying to help him get back on his feet.  

This was my way of showing him how much I truly loved him.  

Unfortunately, the fact that he was jobless was a sign that he had no ambition and couldn't even take care of himself.  

Yet, somehow I expected him to take care of me and his kids.  

This ended up being quite the elephant in the room until one day, I eventually left him and realized that he was just a roadblock keeping me from getting to the real Mr. Right in my life.  

With each passing relationship, most people gain knowledge of their true need and what they feel they want to be better in the next one.  

All of my relationships were a step above the last...  Until I finally found my husband.

Another question that you  must ask yourself, is, "Am I ready for a commitment?"  

If the answer to this question is, No, then you have no business trying to get into a relationship in the first place.  

What is the point in dating if you do not eventually want to settle down?  

Its like planting seeds in a garden and watering them as if you want them to grow, but then trampling on the garden as soon as they sprout out of the earth.  

What was the point in the first place?  Really and truly; when you find your real husband/wife, its almost as if you give life to one another's souls.  

Much like a properly cared for garden, you will be able to get nourishment from your significant other as though he/she were a well ripened tomato.  

You feed off of one another.  

So again, ask yourself, "Am I truly ready for a commitment?"  "Do you know what you want out of a man/woman?"  

If you are already in a relationship and you are wondering to yourself; is he/she the ONE?  

The fact that you have to ask yourself that question in the first place should be a HUGE indicator that he/she may not be for you.  

All the corny things they say like,  "when you know you just know"...  are often true.  

There will be no doubts in your mind.  You will be able to see your future in their eyes.  

You will feel as though they may be too good to be true.  You will, "Just Know"...  

Around the time I met my husband; I was NOT looking for a relationship, and neither was he.  

It was because I wasn't looking to begin with that I was able to see him for what he truly was.  

My vison wasn't clouded by my past pains and how other men treated me, and the all too popular list of what NOT to look for wasn't playing in my mind.  

I could see him for who he truly was and he could see me for me.  

What's funny is, I realized I HAD to go through a few bad apples to know what a good one looked like; which leads me to my next point.

What Do I Need?

Figure out what it is you need out of a man/woman.  Now, THIS takes a bit of maturity to fully get a grasp of, and can sometimes be molded by what kind of household you grew up in. 

Often times, we don't usually truly grasp this until we are much older and wiser because personal preferences change with age.  

When we are young, we tend to look more at the outside shell than what lies beneath.  

Women, naturally seek shelter and security and may see and measure a man by the clothes he wears or the car he drives and the strength he carries when in our immature years.  

Young men, tend to look more towards outer appearances and outside beauty to measure a woman's date-ability.  

I have known many good guys/good girls who have "gone bad" because of situations like these.  

The problem with looking outwardly is this...  

We are HUMAN and we will get old.  

Our appearances WILL change and we WILL age.  

So guys, if you are still measuring your relationship by the outward shell of  a woman, you will ALWAYS end up dissappointed.  

Women, if you are still looking for your Romeo based on the size of his house, manhood, or car, when those things fade (cause they will) at the first sign of trouble you will LEAVE.  

I know that if all me and my husband had were eachother; we will STILL be happy.  

Changing Times

A lot has changed since the days of Leave It To Beaver.  We are in a new day and age and Single Mothers and Fathers are becoming more and more the normal family setting.  

Nobody is staying married, and some who do only do for the children.  

Most people do not truly realize just how much this affects us as we grow into adulthood and begin looking for our significant others.  

One of the main reasons why I left my ex was because, firstly, I realized he didn't love me the way I needed to be.  Also, one day I came to this realization:

My kids are watching me...

Through all the arguing...  Through all the name-calling...  Through all the sleepless nights....

My children were watching...

I realized I was only showing my daughters how to be treated by men and my sons how to treat women.  

How are you supposed to know what love looks like if you have never truly seen it?  

For example, I know an elephant is a big animal with big ears and a big trunk because I have seen one in a picture or at a zoo.  

But what does LOVE look like?  

To my girls,  I was showing them that it is okay to love a lazy man.  It is okay to be cussed at and called names.  It is okay to be STRONG and UN-SUBMISSIVE towards men.  

I was showing my sons that is was okay to be lazy and unambitious.  It is okay to let a woman take care of you.  It is okay to be aggressive towards your wife; so on and so forth.

This was the example of love that I was showing to my children.  

I realized that staying with my ex, just for the kids was doing more damage than good.  

Not to mention; neither me nor my ex were truly happy and fulfilled.  

The one thing I was glad about; was that I never married him.  

Though he had asked me to, something just never felt right about saying yes.  

I believed marriage to be sacred, and because I had witnessed my mother in 3 different failed marriages; I promised myself I would never have a second or third husband.

In these changing times, it seems nobody believes in love anymore.  Pure, unconditional, unrequited, LASTING LOVE are just words in a dictionary...  

So, how is ANYONE supposed to find love if they don't know what love looks like?

The Definition Of Love

For many of us; we were not raised with both our mother and our father all of our lives.  

Some of us who did were witness to dying marriages in which only stayed together for the children.  

As human nature may have it; we learn predominantly through what we see and the things we are shown.  

Displays of love and affection are now seen as PDA and not seen anymore.  

So how do you know what love looks like if you have never seen or experienced it first hand? 

Read the bible.

Some of the greatest love stories exist there.  

The story of Joseph and Mary is one of my particular favorites.  

In Mathew 1; begins the love story of Jesus, Mary and Joseph.  

One of the reasons why this is one of my particular favorites is because of the beautiful blended-family story that takes place here.  

A true testament to step-fatherhood; Joseph accepted a child (Jesus) that was not his and raised him as his own.  

Not only did he do this, but he married Mary even though she were pregnant with a child he knew could not be his.  

This man, not only accepted the Lord's call on his life but he did so humbly.  

Walking for miles to find refuge, beside his pregnant wife atop the back of a donkey.  

Such chivalry is represented in this act.  

However; not much is said about Joseph in the bible past the days of Jesus in the manger.  

This act of love is often overlooked, as step parents usually are.

What does this show us?

It shows us pure, unconditional, unrequited, lasting love.  

The love of Christ.  

God's love for us all...  

It has always been my opinion that the definition of God is love and love is God.  

If this is the case, then true love exists through the eyes of he/she whom you see God's face or hear His voice through.  

They will love you past your pain and see past your flaws.  

They will grow with you and pray with you. As you should remember; a TRUE soulmate will labor over your SOUL.


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